For me it was far too much time spent on things that didn't move the story forward--e.g. the guns and ammo aspect. It's military based, I get that, but I felt it was at the expense of characterization, and really felt like filler. I get that there's a language that you're trying to capture, but I really didn't feel connected to any character.
I'll totally read a second draft, which I assume you'll be posting soon.
2nd Draft = 1st draft - 10%
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