Memoirs Feedback

[reaper239]

Hey reaper. First bit of feedback I have for you is that I love reading these and thanks for sharing them with all of us.

A few of the things I like (there are probably more):

• The story and the characters got my attention and kept it by giving me enough to know what's going on without revealing it all to me at once. I like how the story line unfolds and how I learn more about each character as it goes along.
• I like a lot of the details you've put in there. It reads like it was written by the guy that was there and who knows what the hell he's talking about (more on this later too).
• I like the way the pacing is varied in the different scenes. Action is action and relaxed is relaxed.

Some things I didn't like as much:

• As much as I like the details throughout, there are some places where it might be over done. I'm mainly thinking about how indepth you get with several of the weapons: both in the load out descriptions and in the middle of some of the action.
• During the scenes like the helo vs humvee, I was having a harder time tracking the action and who was where doing what. Might be a way to make that more clear - but without losing the edge of the fast paced action (the confusion actually could lend itself to more realism in the action but....)

General:
I like the feel of the story as being told by the "insider" - the guy who knows his stuff. I'm at least familiar with a lot of the terminology and such but it might be a little off putting for folks that aren't. That may not matter based on who you would be targeting as an audience for this.

All in all, I like it a lot and can't wait to see more! (hint hint)

which section are you talking about, the introduction of the joint squad members in the kill house? do you think a character reference sheet would be a good replacement? when i say character reference sheet, i mean something like this:

John Welsh: Call Sign Soul Sister, US Army Special Forces Medical Sergeant, Delta Force, CQB Specialist, M4 CQBR (Mk18) attachments listed here, M1014 JSCS attachments listed here, languages spoken, etc, etc.

John Bailey: Call Sign Big Dog, etc, etc.

also, i think the confusion comes from me writing too quick and maybe not putting in enough pronouns to distinguish between the squad and the choppers. i'm going to look into fixing that.