Best Type Of Heavy Metal?

[Vlarken]

EDIT: Also, what the fuck is up with all those subgenres? Sludge? Slamming Brutal Death? Goregrind? When did naming metal music become an absolute joke?

I would agree with you, besides 'sludge'. If you've ever heard that genre, you would think that it's a perfect name. Also you should give Korpiklaani a listen. Some of their lyrics are inspired straight from the Kalevala. They're the perfect band to start getting into folk metal with. Although I'm not sure how they work their electric guitars without electricity. Perhaps witchcraft, or something cool along those lines.