you got jokes?

[Austin king]

What do you call annoying vampire? A pain in the neck

[nikvoodoo]

What do you call annoying vampire? A pain in the neck

You misspelled Robert Pattison's name....

[usmcludwig]

dude- one time I came to base with my friend, drunk and driving and still a little faded from the hookah lounge and we get to the gate, I'm the passenger and I looked and was FUCKED UP

The gate guard says where were yall- my friend said- "O we saw that movie...with the cop, ya know?"

and they are like "hey, ya hear that, they saw that movie...with the cop in it!"

was fuckin hysterical in retrospect, dont know why I didn't start my DWI's back then lmfao

[usmcludwig]

You misspelled Robert Pattison's name....

where is the "love" button when ya need it lmfao

[Teethingbiscuit]

These two snails get mugged in an alley by a couple turtles. Cops asked them to describe the assailants. The snails replied, "I... I don't know. It all happened so fast!"
Teeth

[mathuect]

Three midgets are walking down the street and see the Guinness Book of Records building. They go in deciding to try to break a record.

First one walks up and gets tested for the smallest feet in the world.
Second for the smallest hands in the world.
Third one, rather embarassed, for the smallest penis in the world.

First comes out jumping for joy. He has the smallest feet in the world!
Second comes out clapping wildly. He has the smallest hands in the world.
Third one comes out hanging his head. He walks up to the others and says "Who the fuck is Robert Pattison?"

[mem]

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says ‘What the hell was that all about?”

[AdrianHD]

Why do they call PMS "Premenstrual syndrome?"

Because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken...

I <3 you all and truly do not mean this to any women who may be reading it. Also that's by far the most 'appropriate' joke I have.

[reaper239]

did you know that the disciples carpooled? it says so in the bible, they were all in one accord. uber cheesy

[mem]

A New York fellow, while traveling through a small town in Georgia, saw a nativity scene at a local Baptist Church that was quite unique. The three wise men were wearing fireman's helmets!
He stopped at a coffee shop at the edge of town, and asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at him, "You dang Yankees never do read the Bible!"
He assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.
She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in his face she said "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar"