a man walks in to a restaurant.

a guy is walking down the street, and he comes across a new restaurant and on the window he reads a sign that says. ''untouched by human hands." being curious and a bit hungry he decides to go in.
there he is meet by the hostess, which greets him with a big smile and ask how many in his party. he replies its just him. she takes him to a nice table and hands him a menu and tells him that his waiter will be along soon.
no sooner than she leaves the waiter is there. the waiter introduces himself and ask if he was ready to order.
the man replies that he just sat down and didn't have a chance to look at the menu. the waiter said that he would give him some time to look at the menu and he will be back soon. as the waiter begins to leave the man starts to ask the waiter.
"I was wonder something, you have a sign on the front saying untouched by human hands. I was kind of curious about that." the waiter smiled and started to explain that the owner is a germaphobe. "how do you prepare and cook the food." the man asked.
the waiter pulls out a pair of tongs and says. "we have these personal tongs we us. so we don't touch any of the food." the man thought about it for a moment and then opens the menu. as he is looking he happens to see a string hanging out of the zipper of the waiter. at first he wasn't going to say anything but then he thought he didn't want the waiter get in any trouble. the man asked "do you know that you have a large string hanging out of your zipper?" the waiter said he knew about it. the man asked what was it for. the waiter said that if he has to pee he can just pull the string and that his penis would come out so he could pee. the man thought about that for a moment then asked the waiter. "I understand that, I am just wondering how you get yourself back in after you get done?" the waiter just smiles and said "you see we have these personal tongs."

Horse Walks into a bar...
the bartender calls animal control and closes the bar for the day like a normal person