The Voodoo Lounge

Nikvoodoo: Say Revolver….are you getting sick of that arrogant prick, The One With the Markings, claiming he will be able to get us no matter what our plan is?

They Call Me Revolver: Ima start hucking bricks at that douche.

Uh….the man dodges bullets and catches arrows for a living…chuckin' bricks at his noggin' probably wont' accomplish all that much. You have to admit…..TOWTM is kind of a pimp….and if we don't have a solid plan of attack he just might get his way. So what do you say….how about we make a plan to survive in our towns and give ourselves grades on our given techniques. What do you think we should grade it on? What things should we look for?

Well my pasty friend, what is essential once the outbreak has occurred? Shelter, Food, water. Sure, you can stay at home and make regular trips to the local supermarket. Too bad everyone else that is still alive has thought of that, and possibly the zombies too. Which is why we are taking your city’s population into consideration. Natural resources are a must! A way to replenish your food and water supply without having the luxury of Safeway.

Pasty? Really....we had to go there?

Well, lets not poo poo all grocery stores and things of that nature. Your proximity to resources like that will be pretty key to get you started. Hospitals, pharmacies, clothing stores and things like that are important. If society ends, you can go on a guilt free "shopping" spree.

Ok, that's true. Now for shelter. As KC would put it, we are looking at “Choke Points”. Ways in your tower, be it welcomed or un-welcomed. Also ways to fortify your tower, escape routes and ways that enemies can attack you.


Well….I think I'm basically screwed in terms of population…..but I might be ok in terms of some of those other categories out here in NYC. Do you want to go first or shall I?

Please, be my guest.

Sounds good. First of all: We grade on population. Uh….there are nearly 8-10 million people in the city of New York (probably more) at any given time. No matter where an outbreak of anything starts, NYC and its residents are basically fucked. Unlike L.A. which is spread out laterally (and has about 5 million fewer people), NYC is stacked vertically. The only thing that might save NYC from being an abject failure with population is the further away from Manhattan you are, higher the probability you'll have a chance to react. If you are anywhere on the Island of Manhattan and are below Central Park, you're gonna be dead before you know what happened. Also, due to the high population density, it may take longer to get to the outer boroughs because it has to work through so many people first…..But I feel no matter how shiny you can buff a turd to a high gloss shine….it's still shit. NYC gets an F in terms of population. Do you agree, Rev?

NYC may be the city that never sleeps, but it’s going to die pretty G.D. quick during a zombie outbreak.

Ok, let’s get to something more impressive: My map!

So the first thing you'll probably note: there is a whole lot of blue pin marks in a very concentrated area. Reason being, this is what every single neighborhood in NYC looks like. There's a lot of things available at the tips of your fingers, however lets talk about my selected stronghold: The police precinct.

Unlike the Street View Picture, the chain link fence and simple cinder block wall were destroyed in a nasty storm last September and have been replaced by a solid concrete wall reinforced with rebar. The entrance to the parking lot is still open, but that can easily be blocked off by a few things, and the top can be reinforced with barbed wire or something to that effect. Another advantage is that parking lot does have a gas pump, so you wouldn't need to go anywhere to get gas for a little while.

Near the edge of the fence by the precinct is a balcony which can be a look out post and a mini sniper's nest. From this position, you can see well in three directions, but the wall blocks the view to the street. It's also a liability if something can get onto the top of the fence, so my plan would be to block off those windows entirely, and lower a ladder down from the roof to give some extra protection.

There are three main entrances to the precinct: front door, a service door, and a loading garage door. Securing the garage door would be key because those doors don't take much to destroy. The front door is glass and can be easily blocked off (or even filled in with cement if need be to totally close it off. The other big security risk are the row of windows along the street level. They are over 6 feet off the ground and are relatively small, so sneaking in them is going to be hard, but they are metal window frames so if you can get a welder (probably from the car garage) you can weld them closed and secure a piece of metal over them if need be.

There are obvious advantages to e police precinct, including holding cells, and weapons. You would also have access to police vehicles (cruisers and also in this case a Mobile Command Center Truck).

So overall, fortification of the Police precinct is going to take some doing, but if you can get it done, it's going to be an amazing strong hold with some great natural defenses and perks. Revolver and I give my "Tower" the grade of B-

Now if you look around the area, you see a lot of apartment complexes in the area. Now why wouldn't I choose that just like "We're Alive?" Well look at how big those are. The Tower is small. These are mega modern buildings. They have multiple entrances (upwards of 20 per massive structure), have multiple staircases, and elevators, and would be impossible to defend with a small band of people.

Basically, every dot on this map is a resource that is within a mile of the Police Station. I want to point out the multiple pharmacies in close proximity, and also there's a few vitamin worlds and GNC's in the area which will come in handy when food starts to run short: Take your vitamins to keep your health up and even appetite suppressants to keep the hunger away. There are also a lot of parking garages (which require you to leave your car keys) and a car dealership all within spitting distance. The other thing I wanted to point out is the Fedex Express center. This is a gigantic center where all Fedex shipments in Queens and parts of Brooklyn end up. Its a little more of a hike, but you have access to all the many many things that people could buy online. NYC in general is a place you can get whatever you want whenever you want it. NYC gets an A in terms of Proximity to resources.

As for Natural Resources: There's a couple of lakes within a mile of my chosen fort which you can use for hydration. And water is the biggest thing. I understand it's NYC and there's a bottle of water every 3 inches here, but eventually those will go away. Water is going to be very important for every survival guide. But that's about it. Being an urban jungle, there aren't many animals around here. There are raccoons, squirrels, birds, cockroaches, and rats. That's really about it in this general area. So because there's a near by water source, but nothing else in terms of sustainability in the vicinity. C-.

So overall, if you're going to survive in an urban jungle, hopefully you have a park nearby that has a lake. And man you better hope that you're in a small city that doesn't constitute over half of your states population…..

Here's the Tally
Population: F
Chosen Tower: B-
Proximity To Resources: A
Proximity to Natural Resources: C-

Revolver and I give surviving in my neighborhood in Queens: C-.

So now that I've depressed myself to a level I cannot even imagine how I can survive if the shit hits the fan, lets take a little more rustic look into a smaller city setting and delve into Revolver's plan.

Yeah, NYC is the suck….unless you want sushi at 4am. Rapid City on the other hand, just sucks. Unless, a zombie outbreak has occurred.

I live in a “city” of 60,000 people. Assuming that 5% of them are left after all the festivities, I have to contend with 3,000 people (That gets me an A for population by the way).

May I present to you….My map.

The tower I have chosen is currently an office building. Doesn’t sound the most comfortable, but has only 3 ways in. It is an 11 story structure that has a generator already built in. *bonus* Also fortifying the city block should be rather easy. Since a majority of it is parking, it’s just a matter of setting up barricades.

Well, the one huge issue (aside from creature comforts) with your specific Tower is that is a whole lot of glass to cover up especially on the ground level. I could take one of those bricks you were aiming at The One With The Markings and mess your Tower up something' fierce with one shot. But the built in generator is a nice touch. So how do you grade the fortification of your tower?

You have a great point there, which is why my tower gets a B.

On to food, there are 3 grocery stored within a mile of my tower. I should be able to get started with supplies from there. Like I stated earlier, grocery stores are not a means of survival, but a way to get started. There are 2 "Urgent Care" centers with in 4 blocks of me and a hardware store. Not good odds that anything will be around by the time I get settled. *frowny face*

3 city blocks away from me there are 3 city parks, with a lot of land to start a farm, grow livestock etc. Also there is a lot of wild life around here. Deer, Turkey, Fish, Buffalo, and if you’re a badass, Mountain Lion. So there are other sustainable sources of food in my little town. That gets me an B.

Now food will only get you so far. My people demand water, and I say unto thee, “I’m not your water bitch!” There is one golf course and a man-made lake 3 blocks away from my Tower of power. The man-made lake is supplied by a natural stream so it shouldn’t dry up unless there is a drought. (then we all boned). All I have to do is boil it for 10 min and have some great drinking water. I gets a A- on this one.

And the Tally Is
Population: A
Chosen Tower: B
Proximity to Resources: B
Proximity to Natural Resources: A-

So in summation, My tower and escape plan will land me a sold B+ If I was able to find a better location I could easily move myself up to an A. But alas, I am too lazy to look at this time. Living in a smaller community may seem boring, mundane and even shitty, but when the zombie out break occurs, you can all come and stay with me in my tower. BOOM!

Yeah stay with Revolver and be bored out of your mind, or come live with me where it will be a friggin' adventure every time you leave! Not to mention: It's New York City! Can you imagine how much fun you could have in this place with no authority to stop you? You could spit off the top of the Empire State Building! Throw pennies off the top of the Statue of Liberty! Hell, you could go smoke in Central Park (because you can't smoke in public places like that anymore)!

Ok, Lets weigh our options, Bored and alive or Excited and dead. Hhhmmm

…..so might get your ass eaten off in while trying to get to those fun places.

Well, there's our survival plans, but what about the masses, Revolver? Shouldn't we assist others in the planning of their End of Days plans?

We have been blessed with a gift and it would be down right rude not to share this. People need us. We’re like Batman (me) and Robin (you).



I think if they were to send us a link to their hometown on a google map all decked out like ours, with some descriptions of whats around them and why they chose what they chose we could give them a grade on their survival plan as well! So, if you want Revolver and I to grade your getaway, send an email to zombiepodnikvoodoo@gmail.com with the subject Survival, Inc.- *Insert Town/City Name here* and we can get this underway! So create your plan, let us know what it is, send us a link to your google map and prepare to get graded!

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