Do you think, "this" would work - a monologues dialogue?

[LiamKerrington]

Hello everyone,

for quite some time (actually since I read WWZ a few years ago) I have kind of a "story-arc" on my mind which would be told only from the perspective of a single person. And the way the story is supposed to be told would be like this:

The narrator answers imaginary questions of (an) imaginary person(s) - but not imaginary from her perspective, because she actually answers real questions, but only imaginary from the perspective of the listener. Example:


"...
I'm fine thank you.
...
No clue, how this could happen. Only that it happened. It felt like ...
...
Well, as if I had a blackout or something? I remember walking down the floor to the stairs. And when I turned around ... It's all dizzy ... I have no ...
...
No, no voices or sounds or anything. Mh ...
..."

This is what the reader would get; the dots mark what would be the remarks and questions of the other person(s) in the dialogue. For the reader it is an aid to get along with the reading in order to understand the "flow" or "streams" of the topics; so they would be able to understand that the narrator is not jumpy and does not senselessly speak about different things in a long monologue and therefore does not obey the rules of a stream of consciousness technique, but that there seems to be kind of a leading partner in this conversation giving the whole thing a structure.

The original text could be like this:

"
Are you alright? How do you feel?
I'm fine thank you.
What happened? How did you fall down the stairs?
No clue, how this could happen. Only that it happened. It felt like ...
Yes? Like what?
Well, as if I had a blackout or something? I remember walking down the floor to the stairs. And when I turned around ... It's all dizzy ... I have no ...
Easy. Just relax. Take a sip. Was there, like, kind of a sound you may have reacted to?[/b]
No, no voices or sounds or anything. Mh ...
..."

But since there are dots, the original text could be like this as well:
"
[i]How do you feel?
I'm fine thank you.
How could this happen? AGAIN, like last week.
No clue, how this could happen. Only that it happened. It felt like ...
Like what? You drive me crazy. We want to help you, and then this! What was it this time? Explain!
Well, as if I had a blackout or something? I remember walking down the floor to the stairs. And when I turned around ... It's all dizzy ... I have no ...
I don't buy this 'I have no'! Again voices? Or another distracting voice? Like the last time?
No, no voices or sounds or anything. Mh ...
..."

The ideas behind this concept would be different things:
- First and foremost you would learn about a story - the facts as well as opinions as well as right/ wrong perspectives of the narrator without having the chance to double-check the content.
- Additionally you would need to think about the way the questions are asked and what exactly they are. Here you may keep in mind that the narrator may misunderstand questions and answers completely wrong.
- Finally it would be an invitation to "guess and play" with different imaginations about the situation of the dialogue, the attitudes and personality of the imaginary dialogue-partner ...

Do you think, this could work as a text? Actually, two days ago I started writing a first text "like" this ... Would you be interested in reading it and "trying" this "reading-game"?

All the best!
Liam

[LiamKerrington]

Hi there.

So, well ... Why not trying it ... I will put the "monologues dialogue" into a quote box.
Remember: The dots mark the comments and question of another person or other persons.
I won'T use any descriptions or characterization of certain parts of the dialogue - like speaking hastily, crying, throbbing, laughing or stuff ... Because this is part of the "mystery" behind it all.
Would you mind commenting on this?
And since I am a Krautlander (so from Germany) I am sorry, if I ciolate your language too much; I sincerely ask for advice and recommendation about changing phrases to much "rounder", "more likely spoken" phrases.
If you like to discuss "the background", feel free to speak about these things (as well). The following text is, actually, the kick-off for a series of texts like this ...

Enjoy!



X6

Day 0 + X

Where ... ? What ...?
...

Day X+3

What ... has ... ?
...
And the others?
...
Were we successful?
...
Doctor ... How long ...?
...

Day X+6

Hello Doc. Just another check-up?
...
Yeah, I'm doing fine - somehow.
...
My name? You have it in my papers.
...
Ok. I understand that. Ruth Freeman.
...
Born on 4th July 1988 in ... Fremond, CA. Does it matter? Anyway ...
...
Before the zepocalypse I was ...
...
Yeah, that's, what we call it - zepocalypse. Short version of the zombie-apocalypse.
Before it I was just working in a grocery store in Davis to finance my studies. During it I became part of, well, the army. At least I call it that, 'cause it sometimes feels like it. More important people have different names for it.
...
More important people like real military guys, leader-type etc.
...
No, I was not just a grunt or infantry or whatever. Since I was becoming a medical scientist, I became part of ...
...
Yeah, exactly. I studied at the Davis medical school, until hell broke loose.
And after the initial struggle for surivial I joined a group of people, which again joined another group etc., and things started to kind of network, you know?
Well, finally I ended up in a group of … what should I call it: a unit? Yeah, suits best I think. I had no muscles and was rather incapable of using guns properly; just enough for self-defense. But I was able to add something to the think-tank analyzing it all and creating solutions as well as adding some basic medical skills beyond the limits of first-aid ... But no, we have no specific unit-declaration for me. I was neither in charge, nor just the receiving end of the command-line. I was … somewhere between, like … like an advisor. And people were meant to keep an eye on me. Looks like they did a bad job, right?
...
How long until I may leave my bed?
...
Mh. I see. Another surgery? Seriously?
...
That's bad. Ok, well ...
...
Yeah, actually I'd like to talk for a bit. Feels good not only telling the nurse 'doin' fine' or ' not doin' fine' or just 'yes-and-no'; you know the standard blabla between a patient and the nurse. Don't get me wrong. The nurse is doin' a fine job. But she sticks with her tasks and does not answer questions or at least gets into a smalltalk that stretches beyond the "soon you are getting better, now sleep for a while...". And in this room I am all alone. No one else to talk to. And speaking to myself does not really help at all.
...
Yeah, I know, security measures I guess ... Am I ... inf...
...
You are not sure, heh? Do you actually have the means to check me about ... you know, 'it'?
...
Seriously? You can perform surgeries, but cannot check me for ... well, if I am infected?
...
I see. I get it. No laboratory for this kind of job ...
...
No clue. there are so many things on my mind. And yet I cannot put 'em in words.
...
Besides all the pain, the immobility and all the noises from those medical machines? I think, yeah, I think I am well. But I'd like to read or listen to something else then the machines. Do you receive any broadcasting? Last thing I remember is that your enclave was too far off for the broadcasting and even radio-communication to reach you. Are you working on establishing the infrastructure?
...
No?
...
Not even satellite-communication?
...
I mean, we did it, didn't we? Are there any problems?
...
I am the only one? So you are still cut off?
...
No way out?
...
I, I think … Yeah, you are right. I should not worry about these things right now.
Do you have like, you know, a CD or DVD player and some disks available I could listen to or watch? Or at least some books?
...
For some distraction that I don't start to think too much …
...
Thank you, that would be nice for the sparetime. And I don't care, what it will be. Anything distracts me and would just feel good.
...
The last thing I remember is ... our attempt to reach your enclave. We had a small crew and a light tank with a flamer on it.
It's all dizzy.
...
I try.
We went through the chasm in the cliffside. It felt like, you know, some archaeology- or adventure-trip or something. Except that we did not search for dinos or artifacts and that we were equipped to win world war zree.
Hehe. Now that I think of it ...
...
Yeah, you are right. Entering the chasm was like getting cut off from the rest of the world.
When the chasm opened a bit again and revealed kind of a small vale surrounded by steep mountains, we spread out. The path went down into a small wild forest. And in the distance we could see structures between the trees, at the end of the vale. Your place, I believe.
Suddenly the zeds spawned out of thin air. They came from different directions. But we were able to fend them off for a while, because your zeds did behave no different compared with what we encountered in different parts of the Rockies.
But we had casualties - like always in places like these. And I remember you guys joining in the fight, if I don't confuse things. It was like a good omen. Because we were aware that your place would not be overrun, since you were able to dish out some damage.
Then, suddenly, one of those things was on me ... And these ... hands … clutched at me and tried to rip off my suit. I smelled their foul stench, when their teeth bit into my body-armor and this putrid smell emanated their foul mouths and … and … their bodies and clothes and … ugh .... I ... I ... there was all of this ... gore and ... blood.
I ... I remember hearing screams ... Were they mine? Or from my team? I started suffocating under the weight of the beasts and their smell; and I barely saw their mouths hitting the visor of my helmet, because it was completely covered with blood, gore, spit and slime. They ... they tore at me, my equipment ... everything. Then ... then ...
...
No idea ... I have no recollection of what happened next. Something, I guess ... between that and the first time my eyes connected with some doctors around me ...
...
Thank you.
...
Yeah, maybe you are right.
...
Bye.